So this is my last and final post from Chiang Mai, Thailand. (For now) And if home is where your heart is, then I feel like I'm packing up to leave home. These past few months have absolutely flown by with incredible speed. It's so hard to believe. This week alone we have gone to a cultural dinner that had great family style Thai food and amazing traditional Thai dancing! I didn't understand the dances at all and one involved a man with incredibly short and tight short things, and another involved a somewhat freaky Llama type thing that was a bright yellowish color and shaggy dancing around... But none the less it was an amazing and great experience! Then we went into the slums for two more times and into the bars two more times. Those were such bittersweet moments for me. I got to say goodbye to my little man Amo who made me the Valentine heart, and goodbye to my precious girl Mui. I literally feel like I'm leaving my baby girl behind having to say goodbye to her. But God blessed me so much with being able to love on her and have her love on me and the last time we went in which was this past Friday she just held on to me and sat in my lap and drew me a picture. We had to leave a bit early though, but she said goodbye for the evening to one of her friends and then ran to catch up with me and let me just pick her up and walk her home. She held on to me the whole time and I got to speak so many words of truth from the Father over her! My heart desires so much for her to grow up and become a true daughter of the Risen God! Then in the bars I had to say goodbye to Jha (the woman Josh and I have been meeting with at The Rose Bar), and that was really hard. She hugged us, kissed our cheeks, and told us she loved us and would miss us. Thankfully though she gave me her email so I get to keep in contact with her. Wednesday night we had our last game night here in the Kafe for this round in Chiang Mai (because I'm determined to come back, God has given me such a heart for these people), and it was so much fun! Then Thursday was supposed to be our last night going into the Red Light district but instead it started pouring and storming, so Cassie, Meredith, and I got to praise God in the storm and have a time of worship and intercession on the roof in the rain! It was absolutely incredible!!! And then we have Friday night, which was our last Open Mic Night here for this go around, and I sang. Three times. Willingly. Now any of you who know me well, know that it is extremely hard for me to sing just by my own free choice in front of people. Let alone to sing three songs in one night in front of people. But Anna and I sang Don't Stop Believin, then a Thai girl here (with an incredible voice) asked me to sing Pay Phone with her and another girl and guy, so I did, AND THEN I got up and sang, without any music, with the guy who sang Pay Phone with us but this time we sang Your Great Name. Just our voices, no music, and we hadn't practiced before hand. But the night had turned into an amazing worship session and I felt like God was telling me to praise Him in the midst of being afraid, so I did. It was honestly a terrifying, but great experience! So that has been my last week in Chiang Mai, God did so many things and blessed me so much this week! I can honestly say that I finished hard and sprinted to the finish line! (Even though I still have a little bit more to go)
This whole DTS experience has honestly been so hard though. This is, hands down, one of the hardest things I've ever done. And Outreach has been a constant struggle on so many levels! It honestly felt like the attacks never quite coming, and like I was constantly struggling the whole way, with an exception of this last week. This was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, I'm amazed I got through it all, the old me would not have stuck it out this long. I remember two times on Ourtreach where I was so tempted to just leave. When our head leader came to visit us and was leaving I wanted so bad to just tell her "Hey, do you want a flying buddy? Because I'm done with this and I'm just going to quit and go home. So do you mind if I tag along home with you?", and then when Aaron Got the call from God to follow another path and to head back to the States it was even so much harder to not just say "Make that tickets for two. I'm leaving as well." But God didn't let me. I won't lie, God and I had a few moments where I wasn't happy and where I wanted to just quite and He kept telling me no, so we got into a bit of an argument... Buttttttttttt obviously (and thankfully) I lost. As usual. I'm so glad I can never win arguments with Him. I never honestly want to haha. Even though I was basically constantly having to struggle and felt like I was just getting by compared to everyone else God showed me something. He showed me that it was good I was struggling. I wasn't giving up. And that my experience was different, with different challenges, than everyone else's so I couldn't compare them. Now I can honestly say that even through everything going on I gave my absolute all during this Outreach. I fought as hard as I could, I didn't give up (even though I wanted to), I ran the good race, I fought the good fight, and I am finishing well! Not once did I check out and give anything less than everything I could. It wore me out, wore me down, and drained me completely sometimes, and sometimes I didn't have much I could really give because of everything, but none the less, I gave everything I could! And I am proud to be able to sit here and tell you that in complete honestly.
You see, you can't ever compare how and what you are doing to how/what someone else is doing. Because you each have your own paths to follow. We each have our own struggles, our own trials, our own burdens, and our own paths. So you can never compare one person's walk to that of another. It just doesn't work that way. That's like comparing a baby bunny to a baby elephant. Yeah they're both small and cute and adorable! And you just want to take them both home. But they're completely different in every single way. (Sorry I was thinking about the cute little baby elephant when we went elephant riding) God is going to bring you down completely different paths than anyone else. Yeah they may look similar at times, and at times they make look the exact same. But once you dive into them nothing about them is the same at all! You are created unique in His image, and so is your walk with Him. So don't get caught up in comparing how/what you are doing to that of someone else. Only focus on your personal walk with God and on following Him where ever He leads you. As long as you do that and always give your all to Him, then no matter what it looks like, in the end you will be able to say that you finished well!
It's a sad/bittersweet thing when a season in life ends. But just make sure you can look back on it and say you did your best and you said "yes" every chance that you got to to God. You can look at what you're leaving behind, or you can look at what is ahead. That's something I'm trying to do right now. Focus on what is ahead, and not what is behind. Like I said, I feel like this is home and like heading back to the states I'm leaving home behind. But what I have to do is not focus on that, I have to focus on what God did in this time, the amazing works He did and things He showed me, how He changed me, and what He has in store for me now! It's tough I'll admit, and I honestly don't know what to feel with leaving, but hey, outreach hasn't been any easy thing by any definition of the word, so I don't mind this now. This week has been such an incredible week of freedom for me. God helped me to completely let go and truly give everything up to Him so this week has been such a blessing and such a gift of peace and freedom. God gave me the best gift ever in this week in allowing me to not have any struggles, nor trials for this time, and to be able to completely focus on His work here and now and not have anything else going on at all! It's been AMAZING!!! This was honestly the best week yet. So it helps so much to be able to finish in this way! Even though this whole experience was one of the biggest challenges and struggles I've faced yet, I wouldn't trade it for the world! Everything has been ABSOLUTELY worth it!!!!! If I had it all to do over again, yeah there are some situations I would have avoided, but even if I couldn't and even if it got even harder, still I would do it, because this has been the biggest growing experience and refining experience of my life! like I said, absolutely worth it! I wish that everyone could experience this and see God the way I have gotten the chance to. It didn't always feel happy go lucky, it wasn't all rainbows and lollipops, and it didn't feel "good" all the time either. But it's been the best time! I can't even begin to describe everything that God has taught me and shown me and done to me. There's way too much! But the trials of this life are definitely blessings in disguise!!!
I honestly don't know where to go from there haha. Again this turned out completely different than I had imagined. But hey, that's just another reflection of my life. Things hardly ever turn out the way that I imagine and envision, but they always turn out the way they need to and the way that God desires in the end. All things can be worked for good. So I'm just going with the flow of God, releasing every and all expectations, and simply saying "okay God, what do you have planned this time??? I'm all in!"
Thank you again for listening to the ramblings of this young person. My age may be small, but that just means there's even more years for God to do even more things with!
I pray that God encounters each and every one of you and that He takes you on amazing and incredible journeys with Him!!! He will rock your world if you let Him my friend! Never stop saying "yes" to Him, it will get you to some pretty wild, incredible, and free places in this life!
I'll be back in the states on Thursday February 28, and I would love to get feedback from any and everyone of you who have kept up with my ramblings or read any of them. I'm excited to see what God does in each and every one of your lives if you simply say yes. So I would love to hear from you and see if God has spoken to you through anything that you've read here. If you want to let me know you can just email me at bridgeskara94@yahoo.com, message me on Facebook, or text me at (336) 469-8794. I can't wait to see what God does with you all! And if you're a current, beginning, or retired runner (like myself) I'd love to hear from you, you're not alone in your fight to stand still! Keep trucking and just have faith!
Oh the places you will go and the things you will see when you simply say "Here I am Lord, send me!"
Standing in His glory from now on,
Kara Marie
2 Corinthians 5:17
"So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away - look, what is new has come!"
Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
No comments:
Post a Comment