Being back at the base is great don't get me wrong, but it's also so weird. It feels strange to be here, and the Cambodia team got in yesterday so that makes it even stranger. I just can't really believe I'm back. It feels like these past two months just flew by way too quickly! So much has happened in such a short time, but it feels like a lifetime of events. I still can't completely wrap my head around everything. And then coming back here and seeing everyone (almost everyone, some aren't here anymore), seeing my old bunk, my car, my stuff, the house, just everything... It's just wow. Honestly this is not at all how I saw my life going. I never thought I would be here. And I truthfully had doubts, once I got here, about whether I would make it and finish this thing out. I didn't know commitment, I was scared, this was all so new and intimidating, and let's face it. I was weak. This is all just so different than I planned my life to be. (and yes I'm laughing too at the fact that I tried to plan out my life!) I thought I would be in college now, dating an extremely gorgeous, smart, strong, amazing guy, falling in love, becoming a doctor or biomedical engineer, and starting the rest of my life. I had it dreamed up in my mind that I would move on from the small town scene, meet my Prince Charming, and be getting pursued and chased and falling head over heels in love right now without every worrying about getting hurt, pain, struggles, nothing. Life was going to be smooth open waters. Ha! Even I laugh at that now! That seemed like such a big, important, amazing future then. But now.... not so much. Instead of that, instead of falling in love, being on my way to a big career making lots of money, and being in college, and whatever I wanted... I spent three and a half months in another small town, going through so many struggles and trying times. Terrified, just wanting to run so much, having to face walls, strongholds, fears, and everything that I've built up around myself during my life. I had to watch every "protection" I had placed around me come crashing down and being destroyed. And I had to help destroy them. I grew closer to God, I went and spoke to random people on the streets about our Savior, about love, about life. I spoke in front of a youth group about what I'm doing, I made amends with people from my past. I stayed when I just wanted to run. And then, I went to Thailand.
In Thailand I went into bars, red light districts, taught English, hung out with ladyboys, high school age Thai kids, and learned to be a barista in a coffee shop. I also played with kids in the slums, became friends with women who sold their bodies for a living, played pool in bars and hung out in bars a few nights a week. Rode elephants, went bamboo rafting, learned part of another language, ate weird food, learned to haggle prices in another language, met so many people, and that's just the beginning. Sitting here thinking about what I wanted in life right now, and what I have now it's completely apparent that God knew what I wanted and what I needed so much more than I did! I'm not living the life at all that I thought I would be living. But I'm living the exact live that I want to be living now!! And that life is constantly changing, it's a life where I never have to stand still and be bored, because there's always something new I can learn about everything, some way I can grow, and I can always be growing closer to my God and savior! This life isn't easy by any means, but why would anyone want life to be easy? Where's the fun in easy? This life is a challenge, a struggle, an adventure, and completely indescribable because it's finally filled with my indescribable and completely complex Creator! I love it!
So this started out about being back at the base and back in America, and went to what life is like right now and what I thought it would be like. Another great representation of how these posts can go to a bunch of places. If you pull anything from this sleep deprived post, then just hold onto this. Don't plan your life, don't try to plan it out and decide everything that's going to happen. Odds are it won't go the way you planned. Let go of all expectations YOU have, and grab ahold of what God has planned for you! His plan is going to be so much better than you could ever imagine and dream up because God is a God with an infinite imagination! So just let God take a hold of your life and bring you where He desires. It will be a wicked amazing ride! So let go!
Coming to you from the States,
Someone completely new.....
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