As you can see in my previous blogs, obviously, a lot goes on in my life pretty often, and this post has been two months since those. So naturally, quite a bit has happened. Where to begin.......
Well every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end but not always in that order. So these past two months won't be in that order either most likely, prepare yourself for the rambling of my brain. ; )
I find myself missing Thailand so much and so often! I'm not one who's too keen on being really emotional and actually showing emotions to the extent that others do. For the most part, most of my emotions are subtle and quiet, not all blown out. When I'm sad I hardly ever cry, when I'm mad I hardly ever yell, etc. etc. It's not that I try to hide my emotions anymore, it's just that my emotions don't dictate my reaction and they are often more subtle than others emotions. But.......... When it comes to missing Thailand, well.... I cry. Not all the time, but I do find myself randomly being reminded of the people, the food, the culture, everything, and before I realize I have a tear slowly making it's way down my cheek. I feel like I left part of my heart there, and I want to go back and find it and not have to leave that piece of me again. But I know that my place here and now is right where I am. It's not time for me to go back. It's painful to admit that, but I know that the plans God has for me right now are much more beneficial for me than going back to Thailand would be. Honestly, I'm not ready to go back and to start that part of my life. I see that I need to grow more and strengthen my bond with my Lord before I'll be ready to face what awaits in that part of my journey. There's a reason behind all things that God does, and there is a reason for Him telling me to stay and that it's not my time to go back yet. Even though I don't know the reason, I know that He does and that I can have faith in His judgment and even more than that, I can trust Him with my life.
I'm now currently back at YWAM Charlotte doing a school called WISE School. It stands for Worship Intercession Spiritual Warfare & Evangelism. It is a roughly three month leadership building school. I've been given a lot of responsibility and placed in charge of some things and quite frankly it stresses me out sometimes. But I enjoy that, it's a challenge, and if any of you reading this personally know me you know I'm always up for a challenge. One thing is for certain, this school is most definitely challenging me and equipping me to grow and I absolutely love it. WISE school is challenging but in a completely different way than DTS. DTS for me was a struggle, such a grand struggle. I've heard the analogy of God being a sculptor while we are the marble He uses as his medium for creating beautiful sculptures. I never realized exactly how true that was until now. I came into my DTS as a rough, pretty illformed piece of pretty hard marble. God did quite a bit of work on me in quite a few huge areas and that process is equatable to Him taking a sledgehammer to a block of marble and just breaking off greatly sized chunks and them just falling to the ground shattered. Yep, that was my DTS. Painful, hard, challenging, and in some areas incomprehensible, but amazing, and wonderful. I loved it, and it equipped me to grown into the changed woman I am now. I still have quite a few areas to grow, but the beauty of life is that until the end we always have room to grow. Now is where WISE School comes in though, we've gone through the sledgehammer shattering phase, and now its time for the chiseling part of my life. The time where those rough parts get chiseled off or sanded down. It still hurts, because I'm also like a plant getting pruned. Parts of me are being taken off and removed so that way the good, the God side, can grow and blossom even more. It's grand, because even though at some points I just want to slam my head into the ground like an ostrich and hide from the world, God gives me the strength and the endurance to continue on and finish the race. I love everything I'm learning here! I'll even have a chance to go to our nations capitol city and to New York City to do more building in myself and help to lead and serve others. I'm EXTREMELY excited about that!
Since graduating from my DTS on March 9th, even more has happened in my life. We have new additions to my life, and also things that have been taken out of it, as well as things that have just been placed at a distance for the time being. One of the "new additions" is that I am officially going to be attending Appalachian State University this fall as a Freshman and a Nursing major! I don't think I could be more excited about this next season of my life. I'm just insanely amazed and the wonderful things that God is doing in my life right now! I have NO IDEA where He is taking me in the long run to be honest, but I know what I'm supposed to do right now, and I know my next few steps, and for the rest of the journey I am just trusting Him and following His guidance knowing that He will make something beautiful out of me.
Life feels like such a whirlwind and I have no idea what God is doing inside of me right now, nor what He's preparing me for in the future both near and far, but I do know I'm supposed to be here, and I do know I'm supposed to simply trust Him so that is exactly what I'm doing. I love the twists and turns in life, if everything were all laid out and completely straight in front of us and if we could see everything we are supposed to do in our entire life.... Well.... Where would the fun be in that? I don't know about you but I always enjoy a good puzzle and a good mystery and Thank God that is EXACTLY what my life is right now. I pray that you enjoy this grand interactive ride that God has blessed you with as your life! Nothing you do, if you do it with God, is boring, insignificant, uninteresting, or anything like that. You are priceless in God's eyes, so don't let the world convince you you're worthless.
Stay strong, and keep the faith!
Enjoying the servanthood,
Kara Marie
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